News

News mentioned here are not checked, sources will not be revealed. Truth or lies, sort it out yourself. Most jokes are not mine of course. I'm not that funny. So, if a joke is funny, it's mine, if it's not, it's stolen. Yup, another paradox, including last line. Boy, I'm making it tough eh ? (Oh, by the way, if you don't watch The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, it's much much funnier. Not that I steal from him. No. Why should I ?)

01-01-00 + As expected (or not, considering on which side of the hype you were standing), the start millennium has brought few to none problems in big computer systems. That's beside the deliberate joke and minor errors (see here, (it's probably a temporary link))
26-12-99 + Hurricane Lotar rages through France and a bit of Belgium, wrecking most Christmas dinners (roofs were blown off).
19-12-99 + Tragic death: Desmond Llewelyn (who played the character Q in 17 James Bond movies, which earned him a cult status) was killed in a car accident. More eerie is was his hinting of retiring from his character Q in the latest Bond movie "The World Is Not Enough", where the character R was introduced (John Cleese), making it a fitting end (but that was more of an age issue).
07-12-99 + Yup, another 160 million bucks down the drain. After the Mars Climate Orbiter fail a few months ago, now the Mars Polar Lander is giving NASA the silent treatment.
19-11-99 + Research has shown laughing and enjoyment of other people's mishaps, misfortunes and shortcomings are healthy. We respond especially well on jokes with bad habits or inabilities we recognize in ourselves.
19-11-99 + Now, it's not only disasters following up rapidly (earthquakes, hurricanes, etc), it's not hitting the same places twice. This time, St. Maarten is hit again by a hurricane called Lenny (see 23-10-99).
13-11-99 + Another big earthquake hits Turkey, again where the big quake of August was located.
30-10-99 + Another big hurricane hits India. (Now I AM scared, and you're still not ? Oh, c'mon, gimme a break, you liar !)
23-10-99 + This week ended with two hurricanes (the island St. Maarten was hit, somewhere in Mid-America), one long-time dorment vulcano active again (Etna, the biggest in Europe), and another Earthquake, near L.A., US. (Tell me again, you weren't scared ?)
08-10-99 + Now a hurricane wrecks the Philipines. (Still not scared ?)
05-10-99 + Two high-speed trains collide near London. Apparently, one ignored a red stop sign. Up to 30+ casualties and 200+ injured. In this technologically advanced era, it's hard to imagine security measures to prevent a simple matter like this (two trains on one track within a few miles travelling in different directions means emergency stop for both trains, dooh) aren't in place, let alone planned yet.
30-09-99 + An earthquake hits Mexico now. (Don't tell me you're not scared that this is an indication for the end of the world now ?)
23-09-99 + Now hurricane Bart is wrecking parts of Japan. (That means, several hurricanes AND several earthquakes in the world in just a few months. Maybe the millennium is really the end of the world ?)
21-09-99 + Now an even bigger earthquake hits Taiwan, with 12-floor buildings collapsing. Over thousands of casualties have been counted with still hundreds missing. Setting differences of the past aside, China will help out with roughly a billion dollars.
16-09-99 + Hong Kong also in the path of a hurricane, called York.
15-09-99 + With the biggest evacuation project ever, 2 million people had to be removed from their home in Florida, because of the hurricane Floyd. Worst thing ? The Backstreet Boys US tour kick-off concert had to be cancelled.
07-09-99 + Now it's Greece's turn to get hit by a big earthquake in Athens. Thousands of deaths are to be expected. Turkey is lending Greece some help trying to search for victims under buildings, like Greece did it when Turkey was hit.
16-08-99 + A big earthquake hits Turkey again, demanding thousands of deaths. Also, blamings on the designs of the poor constructions of the buildings have started.
02-08-99 + While there's a heatwave going on in the States, with over 150 fatalities already, on the other side of the Earth, in Asia, it's raining and flooding, also with many fatalities.
28-07-99 + Worlwide CO2 (carbon-dioxide) output is 0.6 % lower than last year. It's the first decrease in 6 years. It's still not conclusive if this trend is going to continue.
19-07-99 + World population crossed the 6 billion mark. It has doubled in just 27 years. Personally, I think this is definitely going in the wrong direction.
18-07-99 + John Kennedy Jr., his wife and her sister, are presumed dead after their plane (flown by John himself, who has only 100 flight hours on his clock) went off-radar. Debris and personal belongings were found just off the shore at Aquinnah.This tragedy will prolong the what many people believe is a curse on the Kennedy family.
06-06-99 + European research showed that cigarettes can also cause amnesia. Isn't tabacco the smartest thing ever on this world ? First they put in nicotine, an addictive substance, and they also claimed it wasn't addictive in the first place. Now, it appears, that even if you were thinking of quitting smoking, you already forgot you were thinking about it, and hence, you'll keep on smoking till your death (be it early or late, you WILL die anyway).
03-05-99 + Okay, now Pamela Lee lost her breasts, she also seems to have lost her mind. She is getting back with her abusive boyfriend Tommy Lee. What's she thinking ? "Okay, now my bruises are healed, let's go for another round ?".
15-04-99 + Shocking disturbing news for all guys from age 12 through 80+. Pamela Lee Anderson had her breast implants REMOVED !?!?. She says she feels more natural and more sexy now. Try to convince the guys, hun', you won't succeed.
13-04-99 + Beer helps prevent ulcers, and pizzas prevent prostate problems, so say new studies. Well, I knew all along I was on a health diet, no need to remind me.
06-04-99 + Like the "not tonight dear, I have a headache"-excuse wans't lame enough, it's also the direct opposite of what you're trying to achieve. New research showed that a headache can be relieved by doing 'it' (standing, in the vertical position). Also, research show that sex has the same effect on the body as the sun, the list positive things happening to the body doesn't end eh ? So, time to start thinking of a new excuse.
21-03-99 + New research says that sleep influences the IQ. Tests have shown that with several normal 100 IQ persons with less than 8 hours sleep, that the IQ decreased several points. Should I feel extra sorry for people with insomnia now ?
15-03-99 + New research says that GSM cell phones can be addictive. The strong radiation coming from the mobile phone is received by the brain which creates a higher production of endorphines, which makes you feel a bit high, and which also can accompany a hightened desire for alcohol. Anyway, if you see a collegue sneaking in the bathroom with his cellphone and comes out with big dilated eyes, you know what (s)he's been doing. Get her/him on rehab as soon as possible.
09-03-99 + According to recent studies, couple who have sex 3 times a week look 10 years younger than couples who do it 2 times or less a week. Hey, beats facelifts and other surgical procedures eh ?
07-03-99 + The movie world is shocked by the fact that famous critically acclaimed (Lolita, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining) director Stanley Kubrick died suddenly at the age of 71 (with no cause of deatch disclosed yet). His most anticipated movie "Eyes Wide Shut" (Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman) was apparently not ready to leave the editing room. So, even after 2 years of shooting the film, it may not me released after all. Who says "patience's a virtue" ?
20-02-99 + Scary Spice or Mel B (or C, does it matter ?) had a baby, now dubbed Baby Spice *or was it Baby Spice ? (while there already was a Baby Spice (or was it Baby Spice ?)? This is really confusing). To lessen the confusion, I'd like to propose another name, Scary Baby.
18-02-99 + Super (skinny) Model Kate Moss admits she hasn't walked over the catwalk anywhere near sober for the past 10 years (drugs, champagne, smoking pot, all for breakfast, lunch and dinner). Let that be a lesson to all of you, drugs and alcohol don't make a well-balanced diet. Unless you want to wear a bracelet or ring for a necklace.
17-02-99 + A couple of women are suing the state of Alabama, because it's illegal to buy or sell vibrators and other accesories in that catagory. The women see it as a breach of privacy. Anyway, if you consider how many people were killed last year with a vibrator or with guns you can buy in every shop around the corner, I wonder what your conclusion would be ?
12-02-99 + The impeachment hearings are finally over, and there won't be any impeachment procedure. The Replubics didn't even came close to a 50% majority, where a 66% was required. By starting these hearings, they may have caused a dent in their image, serves them right. This isn't over by far though. I bet that right this moment, Ken Starr is still sniffing in the garbage bin around the White House's backyard, searching for evidence.
01-02-99 + Monica Lewinky is being heard for the 23rd (ya still counting ?) time. They're still trying to get her to say she was persuaded by Bill to lie under oath. *Yawn*
17-01-99 + Spanish soccer club FC Barcelona, under command by Dutch trainer Louis van Gaal, acquired the Dutch twin brothers Frank and Ronald de Boer, from the Dutch AJAX FC, for about 20 million dollars. This makes FC Barcelona's total of 8 Dutch players (since van Gaal became the head coach). 3 or 4 more Dutch players, and you have the entire national Dutch soccer team there. Did I say "Spanish soccer club FC Barcelona" ? I thought it was Spanish, now, I'm not so sure. Trust me, 99 % of the (former?) fans can't even pronounce half of the players' names.
16-01-99 + Again, an awe-inspiring (I didn't mean that, doh) lengthy broadcast for the Clinton impeachment procedure. Besides pre-empting the Jay Leno show, all stations failed to put up the warning "Don't watch and drive, may cause drowsiness".
11-01-99 + It's raining championships here. Ice skating European Champion (Rintje Ritsma) is in our hands, again, where it should be. World Champion Darts (Raymond "Barney" van Barneveld) was ours again too, after a gruelling ahead-behind-ahead-behind game. Also, the best soccer player of the World has been announced, it's Johan Cruyf. His former pupil, Marco van Basten was also named in the top 10.
11-01-99 + Well, that woman with her 13 year old son, claiming it's Bill's (04-01-99), turned out not to be after DNA tests. Trust me if I say it's not over yet. A whole lot more woman are waiting to do the same. If you want to pull the same trick, take a number, I'd say. Next !
06-01-99 + Finally the NBA and the players reached an agreement. This last six months they have been dealing with the money issue (the NBA is a 2 billion dollar business). The players wanted more money, and yeah, 10 million a year is a bit meagre, a man's gotta make a decent living, right ? So, now it's 14 million dollar a year, what a relief.
04-01-99 + Well, you could've expected it. Another alleged Bill Clinton scandel. A woman claims her 13 year old son is Bill's, as a product of payed sex. Once again, DNA tests will reveal the truth.
26-12-98 + The "crazy mil- and billionaires club" are in the news again. After Steve Fosset/Richard Branson crashed with their balloon in the Pacific, there are many more crazy billionaires eager to launch an attack at the world record of floating around the world in a balloon. Look what too much money can do to your brain. Be careful.
20-12-98 + As it has been dubbed, Desert Fox has ended after 4 nights of bombing. And, surprise surprise, the man can't help himself, Saddam Hoessein declared victory, again. That man's head is soooo messed up, I think a few bombs too many landed on it.
19-12-98 + The House of Representatives has voted "aye" to Clinton's impeachment. It's now the Senate's turn to vote, and it probably won't get a 2/3 majority. Besides, 72 % of the US population wants Bill to finish his time till Jan 2001 as President.
18-12-98 + The second run of the air strike on military installations. By now, everybody recognizes the typical greenish screen on every possible TV news channel.
17-12-98 + 2300 CET, the first air strike targeting military installations in Iraque has begun. As I said earlier (16-11-98), the faster the better. Of course, since it was mainly Bill's go-ahead that made this possible, the Replubics are attacking Bill on this case, saying he did this on purpose as a diversion for his upcoming impeachment votings. On the other side there are people praising Bill, that we couldn't let Iraque go on its way, just because there's an impeachment voting coming up. In any case, the impeachment votings have been delayed for a yet unspecified period of time.
11-12-98 + The Clinton impeachment procedure will probably have a green light soon. But it won't have enough votes to go through the Senate. Or something. I'm not really sure. I didn't follow Ken Starr's inquiry that led to this decision, I fell asleep everytime he opened his mouth.
10-12-98 + In a Madame Tussaud (you know, where the famous wax figures are stashed) in Sydney, Australia, they had to permanently sow the zipper of the Bill Clinton figure, because every three minutes, someone would've zipped it down. How did Bill deserve this ? *Oh, yeah, I remember*
01-12-98 + World Aids Day today. Focussing on the youth this year, because that's the group where the increase in HIV positives is the highest. Did you know over 33 million people carry the HIV virus right now at this moment ? That's so many people, it wouldn't fit Holland if it was twice as big. Using Australia's current population and density, it's twice Australia.
30-11-98 + Nothing's really happening. Just speculations and rumors why Dennis Rodman annulled his wedding with Carmen Electra after just a mighty 9 days. Beside the fact they wore practically the same gown on the wedding day, I bet it's because Dennis Rodman keeps stealing Carmen's clothes and underwear. Or is it because he keeps mixing and messing up the handy hair-dying shampoo ?
18-11-98 + For the first time people actually could hear Monica Lewinsky talk. After many months, her taped conversations with Linda Tripp were released. Also, the impeachment procedure started with Ken Starr testifying (with a 30 minute cross hearing from the other side). But with that weak case, and a strong defense on the Democrats' side, I think Bill Clinton will stay President. Also, there's still the 75% of the American populations wanting Bill to stay in office.
16-11-98 + Nothing's really happening lately, 'cept things like, Mid-America still needs help after hurricane Mitch, tension in Iraque is still rising because goof-head Saddam Hoessein is still blocking the UN Inspection team (he has been trouble for the past 5 years, I'd say, get rid of him, the faster, the better). On the positive side an 80+ grandma wins 50 million in Las Vegas (didn't know One-Armed-Jack could contain so much money ?) (like that 1+ million she won earlier this year wasn't enough already).
10-11-98 + Today, Celine Dion's husband/manager/producer/whatever announced Celine Dion will stop singing after 31st December 1999, with one last concert taking place in Montreal. Guess it's not just computers having a millennium bug, people aren't that millenniumproof either, hmm ?
03-11-98 + Results from the elections in the States are pouring in. It shows gain for the Democrats (they're still in minority though), so this could indicate that the Americans are sick and tired of the Monica Lewinsky case, and this might influence the impeachment procedure. Though the battle who get Monica to open her mouth first to (no pun intended {:) ) is at an all-time high. Renowned newsreporters, talkshows, authors, they're all wanting to pay a few million bucks for it.
29-10-98 + Well, today the spaceshuttle Discovery went up to outerspace. What got most of my attention wasn't that there was the US Senator/Astronaut/Hero John Glenn aboard with 6 other crewmembers, or that he's 77 years old, or that he's the oldest person to ever go to space, or that is was on of the smoothest lift-off ever, no, it was the clear blue sky. And the sun. *Sigh*. (See weather section)
25-10-98 + In an upcoming biography, it's said that late Princess Diana threatened Camila Parker (current girlfriend of British supposed-to-be-King-but-still-not-sure Prince Charles) with the dead on the phone. (Something like "Ha, I'm Lady Di, and you're gonna DI(E)" (in eery voice)? Can you imagine ? I can't). So, how low can you go, picking on the dead ? (Both Camila and Charles have dissociated themselves from this biography, which was meant to boost Charles' lately-somewhat-dull popularity)
23-10-98 + No, not a sick joke on my side, but the truth. After the research on womens breasts, now research on males has been finished. The penis is getting shorter and shorter (average 2 cm.). Cause: stress. But now you're stressed by this news, and a vicious circle is created.
22-10-98 + Swiss researchers found that women all over the world over the past years are getting bigger and bigger breasts. The cause is speculated to be change of food (more and more hormones are used in meat), and contact to chemicals (plastics, make-up, etc.). Most guys will find this news very exciting, or interesting at least, but something tells me this isn't going the right way, and that's not because I'm gay or not (I'm not).
21-10-98 + After the first birth live on the Internet, and the first time doing "it" the first time live on the Internet (which was a scam, by the way), it's now time to broadcast a cremation live on the Internet (www.uitvaart.nl) for the first time. Wow, talk about the circle of li(v/f)e, eh ?
19-10-98 + In the States the Department of Justice vs. Microsoft lawsuit has started with a big fuss. The DoJ is accusing Microsoft for abusing its monopoly on the PC operation systems. It's because Microsoft ships Internet Explorer (an Internet Web browser) for free with the Windows 98 system (thought they started complaining when it was shipped with the earlier Windows 95). It's free, why the hell are they complaining ? Netscape (another Web browser) says it's unfair business. Well, hellooooow, they give it away for free, no one is stopping you to ship your Netscape for free, right ? Anyway, if giving away stuff for free is against the law, I see a grim future ahead. I always liked free stuff, no matter what the stuff may be. This preliminary inquiry will take 4 to 6 weeks, with a final judgement which can take as long as months or years.
17-10-98 + No military action just yet. Milosovic gets another 10 days to comply. He has gotten a whole year already, isn't that long enough already ?
16-10-98 + The bastard of a Milosovic (I know what you're thinking, "That's not objective", well, it is from my point of view) did not honor all demands of the NATO, (Serb military police still walk around in Kosovo, among other things). Air-strikes will be expected on Saturday morning.
14-10-98 + Serb president Milosovic reluctantly agrees with the NATO's demands, and shares his thoughts on national television. Military actions seems to be out of the picture now.
13-10-98 + NATO decided it's finally time to act in Kosovo, and are planning air-strikes against Serbia (Serb president Milosovic calls that a criminal act, but he himself kills innocent children and women in Kosovo, what is that ? Charity ?). Demands have been layed out. 4 days left. (Kosovo freedom fighters still don't get what they want though, total independence, and will continue to fight for their cause)
08-10-98 + More and more countries are willing to ban the computer game "Carmageddon 2", a game where you race in a car and you have to hit old grandma's walking with sticks, cows, mothers carrying children, and others, the more the better. People are afraid this will induce a more violent society where 13 year olds jump in a car and start crashing in on grandma. Now, who has more fantasy, the people who think THAT or the people who are playing the game for enjoyment or just to get some steam off their system ?
07-10-98 + An impeachment procedure is closer and closer on the heels of Bill Clinton. Almost all Replubicans and even 33 Democrats voted "Aye" for a preliminary impeachment inquiry (no time limit, no case limit, that's not the inquiry the Democrats wanted, they wanted only a time limited, Monica case limited inquiry). This newly voted inquiry will now research 15 cases in which Bill might have broken the law.
03-10-98 + Apparently there won't be any Monica on TV soon. So, Roseanne thought of something else, something like "Let's invite my ex-husband for my show". You know, the one on which she commented "It's not too bad that I'm divorced, it's too bad I'm not a widow" after her divorce.
02-10-98 + After Oprah's refusing to pay Monica Lewinsky to be on her show, it's now Roseanne's turn to try to get Monica on her own new daytime show. She's even willing to pay millions for it. As for comment on the ethical side, she said "I'm not a journalist, and I lack integrity". My thoughts exactly.
26-09-98 + Oprah Winfrey has announced that Monica Lewinsky is NOT going to appear on her show (so much for my reliable news source (see 24-09-98), CNN). Besides the fact that Oprah usually doesn't pay her guests, Monica, or whoever does her business, started bugging with more money and the rights for international airing of that particular show. And to think I almost felt sorry for her. No more of that {:)
26-09-98 + After wrecking the whole Dominican Replubic, Florida (again, see last month) and some adjecent states, hurricane George (nop, hurricanes don't just get names these day, you even have to pronounce it correctly ! This time it's something like "Zzjjjjorjjjjjjjjuh".) has finally decreased in strength, and damage can finally be evaluated.
25-09-98 + Salman Rushdi is finally free from his 2 million dollar price tag on his head (meaning, he doesn't have to be alive, no, I mean, he must be dead, before you could collect your money). The "fatwa" was spoken out 9 years ago, after the release of his "Devil's Verses". (That means his book was not critically acclaimed eh ? Ah well, that's what you get if you insult Allah, you get a price tag and a big bull's eye on your head). After which he has been hiding and living under 24 hours surveillance under British government protection. The cause of this sudden turn of event is because the UK and Iran want to re-establish their political bonds, and probably their trading and business lanes too.
24-09-98 + After the news that Monica Lewinsky was about to walk on a catwalk for a Italian designer house for roughly 1 million dollars (which was all a hoax, created by the same Italian designer, for free publicity), sources now say that Monica is likely to appear on screen for the first time on The Oprah Winfrey Show, after refusing 4 million dollar deals with other TV stations.
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