These quotes are as funny as you want them to be. It also depends on how much brain energy and time you spend on it and how much imagination you have.

If you know a good quote, let me know, and I'll put it up here, no charge, totally free. Neat eh ?

• Submitted by *shawty*
  
  Always Remember: When a guy sweeps you off your feet he's in the perfect position 2 drop you on your ass!

• Submitted by Kwaheeijy:
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
  • If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. Hardly seems
    worth it.
    But if you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. So don't yell when
    you're angry... just fart.
    

• More brainteasers coming this way.
  
  What is it ?
  
  George Bush's is short.
  Arnold Swarzenegger's is long.
  Madonna doesn't have one.
  The Pope has one but he never uses it.
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - No, you pervert, it's NOT THAT - to here
  - It's their last names -
  

• You meet someone after a long time on the street.  They ask what's new and you tell them you have 3 kids.
  He asks what are their ages.
  You respond if you multiply their ages together = 36.
  He says "but I still don't know how old they are".
  If you add their ages together it = # of windows of the building we are standing in front of.
  He looks at the building and says "I still don't know how old they are"
  You add "the oldest one wears glasses"
  He says "Thanks, now I know their ages"
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - You want the answer huh ? Well, I'd rather have you get sleepless nights and bad nightmares. Or of course, you could beg me for the answer - to here
  
  
• Four soldiers are captured and told they will die by firing squad. two
  are given white hats to wear and two are given black. They are set up in
  a line - as detailed below:-
  
           White Hat (1)
  
  +++++++++++++++++++++++++ 5m high wall
  
           Black Hat (2)
  
  
           White Hat (3)
  
  
           Black Hat (4)
  
  
  
  The wall (marked by ++++++++++), cannot be seen over or through. Each
  soldier cannot see his own hat, just the ones in front of him. [ie the
  White hat (1) cannot see anyone, (2) can only see the wall, (3) can see
  (2) and (4) can see (2) & (3)]
  
  They are told that two are wearing black hats and two white hats, and
  are given 10 seconds for one of them to shout out what colour hat he is
  wearing. Obviously they are not allowed to cheat by looking at it or
  turning around. If any of them shouts out a wrong answer they all die.
  
  Which is the only soldier who can save the lives of them all ? And why ?
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - #3 - because by the fact that #4 stays silent #3 determines that #4 must see one of each and since #3 sees a black hat he must know that he has a white one on - to here
  
  
• I'm the beginning of eternity, the end of time and
  space.  The beginning of every end, and the end of every place.
  What am I?"
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - the letter "E" - to here
  
  
• 'Twas in heaven pronounced, and 'twas muttered in hell,
  And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell.
  On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest,
  And the depth of the ocean its presence confessed.
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - the letter "H" - to here
  
  
• You are a prisoner in a room. There are 2 guards. Each guard is standing in front of a door. One door leads to freedom and one door leads to instant death. One guard always tells the truth and the other guard always lies. You can ask one question, to one guard (you don't know which is which). What question can you ask to be sure of the door to freedom ?
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - Basically you ask one of the guards "If I ask the other guard which door I should walk through to live, what would he say ?"
  If guard A answers 'this door', you would then proceed to walk through the other door.
  If guard A answers 'the other door' you would walk through that guards door.- to here
  
  
• "When the old sultan died, his will specified which of his two sons would inherit the sultanate in a curious way. He said that the sons, who were very proud of their horses, should race from the palace to the next village, and the one whose horse finished LAST would inherit. The sons mounted their horses and started off at a slow pace. Then the pace got slower and slower. Finally, they realised that this race would never end. So they cancelled it for the day and rode away to consult the Grand Wizard. This gentlemen leaned close to the two young men and whispered two words into their ears, whereupon they dashed out, mounted, and raced as hard as they could to the target village. What did the Grand Wizard say? "
  
  for the answer drag your mouse from here - Think a bit longer will ya ? - to here
  
  - Switch Horses -
  
  
• What if Dr. Seuss wrote technical manuals:
  
  If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on the port,
  And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
  And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
  Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report !
  If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
  And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
  And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
  Then you situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash !
  If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
  Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
  But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
  That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
  And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
  So your icons in the windows are as wavy as a souse,
  Then you may as well re-boot and go out with a bang,
  'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang !
  When a copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
  And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
  Then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
  Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom.
  
  
• I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
  
  
• Chaos is fine just as long as it's organized
  
  
• "God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood for just one to work" Robin Williams, quoting a lady he met, on the Bill Clinton case, on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, still following me ?
  

• When do you know a politician is lying ? When he opens his mouth.
  
  
• Quote: ""
  
  
• There is a fine line between fishing, and standing on the shore like an idiot!
  
  
• "It was funny, they asked me to do MTV Unplugged. I thought i was...unplugged.
  How do i get more unplugged? I thought I'd have to do the whole thing acapello" - Jewel
  
  
• 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
  
  
• FUN THOUGHTS
  ------------------------------------
  
  1. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  
  2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
  
  3. I doubt, therefore I might be.
  
  4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say
  it.
  
  5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
  
  6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
  
  7. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
  
  8. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
  
  9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  
  10. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
  
  11. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  
  12. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  
  13. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  
  14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  
  
• Not tonight dear...I have a modem
  
  
• Time flies like an arrow
  Fruit flies like a banana